Hello and welcome to askMrCulture. Things are still in the early stages of development, but soon this site will be teaming with frequent postings of cultural advice-toids to help everyone navigate the murky waters of modern, and not so modern, culture.

And for those who may be wondering – “What, exactly, is this thing called culture?” – the answer is simple. Whether it be high, low, work, sports, religion, art, social media, theater, etc. – it is all part of some form of cultural experience. And while it can often be baffling, Mr. Culture is here to un-baffle the baffled.

Please join us on facebook, twitter, and submit your questions for Mr. Culture. Look forward to hearing from you.

In the meantime, enjoy the following somewhat true tale of my early years as a man cub.

Mr. Culture

Personal Inspiring Life Stories 

Raised from infancy by a feral pack of wolves, Mr. Culture was discovered by the intrepid explorer (and part time sanitation engineer), Sir Hillman Hillary 3rd, while investigating a problem caused by marauding wolves upsetting trash receptacles at a national park.

One day, while following up on a reported incident, Sir Hillary discovered our young future cultural advisor with his head buried deep within a discarded McDonald’s bag – that still conatined a few stray french fries at the bottom. Though he was completely naked, Sir Hillary simply thought the lad had wandered off from some family staying at a near by camp ground. He approached the youth to ask him his name and was quickly met with a snarl and a good bite on the leg.

Once in protective custody, it became all too apparent that the young boy thought he was a wolf; lapping water from a bowl, demonstrating a strong desire to sniff people in inappropriate places and refusing to use the proper facilities for bodily discharge. Things were a mess and it only got messier when the wolves filed a custody suit. Their lawyer argued that the family’s cubs were suffering from mental anguish from the loss of their man cub companion. The tearful mother wolf took the stand and showed the court a video, recorded on a abandoned smart phone, that showed the cubs playing together and then racing toward the camera. But their case soon fell apart when it was discovered that the wolves had been capitalizing on the cub’s unique ability to stand on his hind legs and use his opposable thumbs to foil the protection mechanisms the park had employed to keep animals out of the trash cans. The judge denounced the wolves, saying, “Not since Oliver Twist has there been such a clear case of child exploitation.”

So at the age of five, Mr. Culture was brought back into the fold of human kind and Sir Hillary’s waste management problem was instantly solved. As for the wolves, they returned to the forest without their man cub and took up residence in a house formerly owned by a granny, whose whereabouts is currently unknown.


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